The solar eclipse was an amazing experience and sight. It was even more enjoyable to experience it with my family. Then the ride home along with everyone under the sun, pun intended.
To say I got a little frustrated would be an understatement. Cars everywhere, people struggling to drive properly, and did I say cars everywhere. As I looked at the traffic on the opposite side of 95, I could only wish we lived south of the path of totality. I wanted to get home, my family wanted to get home, and it was up to me to get that accomplished in the fastest time possible.
So as traffic increased, and at various points on our journey, grind to a halt — the frustration ever increased. Well, that frustration didn’t just sit with me, it gradually overflowed into my conversations with my wife, my girls, and even to the poor lady taking my order at Wendy’s.
Well, after 5 hours we finally made it home; but I couldn’t get the question out of my head, “why”? Why did I get so frustrated and angry, if I’m going to be honest? It wasn’t like I could do something about the traffic or the accidents or people to slowed down to look at something. All of it was completely out of my control. But I felt this burden or weight on my shoulders that if I had choose a different route or drove a little faster or done something different, I could have fixed this situation and got home faster.
But alas, to no avail, we sat in traffic, a slow crawl down a 70 mph corridor of SC. We topped out at one point around 20 mph and our GPS estimated time of arrival only got later in the evening, even though the miles to our destination got lower.
Frustration!
Thinking about our LONG ride home this morning continued my quest to understand “why” —
And two things jumped out at me about myself and the drive.
1) It’s about the journey, not the destination!
I wanted to be home, in my house, sitting in my house slippers and pj’s, kids in bed, on my couch!
When you focus so much on where you are going, you miss out on the moment. Your mind goes to where you will eventually be, and you disengage in the present. Missing out on life and making memories with those with you. And when situations, life traffic jams, slow your progress. Rather than taking the extra added time to engage, you get frustrated and take it out on those around you. And when you are stuck in a car and frustration is oozing out all over the place, things get messy, both figuratively and literally.
In sport, the win (the destination), is often the focus. No matter what, the result is what we need to get. And when things happen in our life or sport, that are completely out of our control, we take it out on those around us. We miss out on the process, the opportunity afforded us to grow and develop. And rather than see the “traffic jam” as an opportunity to engage and grow; it is seen as something bad, a negative, something we have to hurry through and get out of.
Our growth and development occurs along the journey, not because of the destination. You become who you were created to be because of the steps you take along the way; not because of the end itself. Remember it’s about the journey, not the destination.
2) “Traffic Jams” are completely out of your control.
They put you, no force you into an uncomfortable situation where you are basically in a stand still on a road you are accustom to driving 75 mph. Even though you can’t control the “jam,” doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it. You naturally are required to slow down and be present. You can’t go to wherever you are going fast. You get to look around a bit and acknowledge other people/drivers and gives you an opportunity to engage more intently with those in your vehicle.
Also, have you ever looked at your surroundings when you drive. When on the highway going top speed, it’s impossible. Hey look at that….and then it’s gone. Or whoa, did you see that….and it’s gone. A faint glimmer or speck in the rear view mirror and all you see are a few heads from the back rows bopping around looking frantically and asking “where” and “what.”
Take in the beauty of the country-side, the city buildings, the stories that have been told, or the one’s you make up together as you dream about what you all are seeing/experiencing together. See and observe beyond the highway, look past the few cars ahead of you or what’s sitting near the ditch.
Finally, traffic jams give you an opportunity to get off the highway and take a detour. To explore, experience new areas, engage, get lost on purpose, and enjoy something new or revisit somewhere you have been before long ago.
Final Thought…
The idea of letting someone down kills me inside. I’m a people-pleaser and want others to like me. In fact, I want everyone to like me and I have this lie in my head that tells me if I let someone down, they will no longer like me.
Also, as an athlete, I believed that my value and significance came from my performance. The better I perform, the more value/significance I have on the team and in life. After I stopped completing, I thought I had moved on from taking my value from my performance; but the reality is, I am still playing the game, it just looks a little different now.
It’s funny how you think you have moved on from something, only to find the trap set — a traffic jam as the bait — and I walked right into it. I felt like I was letting my family down, poor performance; then they will like me less, I have less value as a father and husband.
I am still a work in process and growing each day. I am grateful for my wife, my girls, and friends to walk along side and enjoy this journey called life. There are so many things that are completely out of our control, but we can’t allow them to control us. Enjoy the journey, control what you can actually control, take life in stride, and be present in the moment with others!